Posts Tagged ‘Relationships’

Get Offline, Kids !

January 9, 2014 Leave a comment

Is there a life beyond or should I say in the absence of online / digital world ? This is a question I feel is very pertinent to be asked to you young kids – boys or girls. Each one of them are now engaged with some digital communication tool or the other for something like 3-4 to 7-8 hours.

When I say digital communication, I am talking about satellite television channels, mobiles, touchpads, laptops , computers, camera etc. They are consuming thousand kilobytes of information every day, with their contribution in the production of information being very little or nil.

With the new range of touchpads and 3G enabled devices they are regularly sms-ing, tweeting, liking on facebook, watching videos on YouTube, sharing, chatting on WhatsApp chat application … Is this a healthy habit ? Well, anything in excess of a certain limit is bad for health ..

In the past 1-2 years I have come across children who have a strong addiction to these, to an extent that it has hampered their communication with the family members. Such children show an inclination to keep off human beings around them and to maintain minimal verbal communication, with full attention to a relative or acquaintance.

This kind of digitalization of human relationships and communications is very dangerous. Today’s parents have a great challenge in front of them to enhance their own verbal personal communication with the kids near them, so that the kids find the adults more interesting. Gone are the days when the parents could get away with just giving their children’s fees and expecting the teachers to fulfill the role of preparing the children for the forthcoming future. Now the parents need to be more creative and aware to guide their children to make the best use of these digital equipments.

The crisis can be huge, and it is the moment we need to take charge of the situation, to make the best children for our future – children who value the relationships, who maintain equity in gender relations, who are non-violent and who support the aged. This is required with the change, now very much evident, in Indian society.


Romantic Songs – My Initial Starters into Public Singing

January 9, 2014 Leave a comment

The songs or choir classes had not started as yet, but whenever there was some free time after Teacher had taken the class or in the absence of a class teacher when the class monitor was to maintain class, I was asked to sing a song. As far as I can remember there were another two friends who used to sing their songs.

When I was in 5th standard schooling the song that was my favourite was ‘Neele Neele Ambar Par Chand Jab Aaye’. The song is popular amongst the learners in guitar. The lyrics say about longing for the lover during a night sky with moon, and mentions ‘thirst of the heart’ to be fulfilled.

In 7th standard I had also taken to English songs. It was due to the Grammy’s Award telecast on the television, and we were looking at the pop charts closely. And my favourite was ‘Whats Love Got To Do With It’.  This Tina Turner’s song starts with ‘You must understand that the touch of your hand makes my pulse react, Its physical ..’

Now when I try to analyse I can see commonness in the two songs – a strong romantic element with lyrics about a boy-girl relationship.  So between the age of 10 to 13 years I was singing quite romantic songs and the boy-girl physical relationship were important themes of that era of my music life or life as a whole.

There is further to be written about socialisation with opposite sex which I will do in a separate post (the reason why I purposely admitted them for schooling in a Co-Ed school). But to strike the note .. the point is that some bit of attraction to romantic feelings starts coming at a young age. And this should get creative expression.

‘Break Ke Baad’ – Cocktail Lifestyle

November 24, 2012 Leave a comment

Saw this movie named Cocktail. Deepika Padukone has played a wonderful role in it, along with Saif at his best. I was very impressed with the ‘free’ lifestyles depicted in the film. Young boys and girls moving towards mature, conjugal living together without even a thought or plan of getting married.. ‘working out’ together.

The conversations between the two female protagonists, between liberal to conservative sex behavior and engagement with the opposite sex.. is quite interesting to reveal the way the young people think and act in the current times.

This film and other similar ones like ‘Break Ke Baad’ and ‘Wake Up Sid’, are about relationships between young men and women… are depiction of the trend the young people’s affairs are.. and hence indicative of the fast way these might undergo further change till my kids grow up.

It is very necessary and a challenging task for parents of today to keep up with the pace of minds / perspectives / attitudinal change of their children. Personally for me,.. it is challenging, exciting and ‘life worth living’ when I engage with my kids and try to run at my mind, thought processes and actions with the level they want.

Now what does ‘my kids’ means? I have always had a dis-taste for anything which builds up ownership.. from … husband, my wife, my things, .. But seems I am developing an ownership.. too close a personal belongingness.. which will hurt when distances are developed at adult stages / future. On the other hand pain and agony are part of the lives that human beings live, and it is the taste of this mix of happy and sad moments which build our energies, and help us to move more maturely towards our lives’ goals (which keep on moving further)!

Reminds me of many Facebook comments that I have wrote to some of my friends quoting the lyrics of a Talat Mehmood song ‘Hai sabse madhur wo geet jinhe hum dard ke sur me gaate hai.. Jab had se guzar jaati hai khushi, aansu bhi chhalakte aate hai.. Kaaton mein khile hai phul hamare rang bhare afsano ke.. Naadaan hai jo in kaaton se daaman ko bachaaye jaate hai.. Hai sabse madhur wo geet jinhe hum dard ke sur me gaate hai’

I am writing this at 11pm while travelling in a General compartment of a train travelling to Ranchi on a weekend. Have been so much engaged for past days in professional development consultancy and some ‘construction work’ that this write up has been pending.. for almost a fortnight. Finally decided to take out my laptop, in the midst of the crowd and start typing…

Spending Time with Children

August 12, 2012 Leave a comment

For some past months my workstation is a suburban district Pakur, which is a 10 hours train journey from Ranchi, where my family stays. Every weekend I come to Ranchi, to spend time with them, and get re-energised.

Staying almost alone in Pakur, and handling all affairs from cooking to office work, has moved me into a phase of life, where I am enjoying my ‘independence’, and re-learning how to do my personal things on my own.. otherwise frankly speaking, marriage relationship is full of inter-dependence to which I have also got addicted, to some extent.

The changeover has helped me in quite many ways, in trying to re-define my lifestyle.. in trying to bring my ‘self’ to a fuller person. Trying to spend time, energy and thought to what I was restricted to due to proximity to family. Trying to re-discover.. somewhat like Gautam Buddha who left his family for other ‘respectable’ affairs. But is ‘coming together’, and ‘leaving’ means so much in life? Why do we get tied in relationships and why can’t we have umpteen relationships / emotional bondage ?

There are some benefits, of course, of human bondage, with the kind of sharing and ‘stay’ that it brings to fast running life. Over here, I will now tell you about my experience with my family these days.

Coming on weekends to spend time with them, I get engaged in the following tasks with them – taking them out on my motorcycle at least once each day for 3-4 hours (this could be a visit to a close friend or visit to a park or bazaar), watching movies with them, dancing and singing for 2 hours each day on the mike (with Khushi in my hands and Rimil around playing with him, preparing food and together eating for 2 hours, playing Chess for an hour, internet search for Rimil’s questions (like that on Zodiac signs), visiting the library to return / bring books, reading stories to them in the best of dialogue form.

All this exercise takes place while I also complete my own tasks of completing the pending office reports, organisational work report and communications and most importantly, the work to check the Facebook updates, like and comment. Why important? Well social networking has become an important part of sharing and even this blog which I write. I feel its relevant to contribute / share / communicate in some forms, your ideas, opinions and strategies. This has been a space for me to express myself freely, though ‘freedom of expression’ in absolute or to a large extent is something I understand is a still quite far for me. It will take more time for me to ‘liberate’ my expression.

So the two days of weekend goes in a struggling effort on my side to keep balance between the different forms of communication – speaking, story telling, singing, photo shooting, playing, reading and liking in FB, blog writing, etc. This is challenging .. keeping a balance of my role as a father, husband, a social activist, and a net-worker communicator. Still it is a great joy overcoming the challenges, and trying to complete the umpteen tasks in various roles.

Will come to this issue again for deeper analysis later ! Thanks readers !!


Relationships and Child Birth

Today is Rimil’s Birthday. Forgotten ? Well, Rimil is my 8 year old son, who is helping me to understand my Fatherly / Motherly attitude. Every every man has it but very few show it in public.

The macho and manly cultures taught in our cultures makes men less and less soft, hiding feelings of love and weakness, and putting strength as the characteristic of man. Result is .. that men tend to have fewer and fewer communications with their children.

One discussion that took place between me and Rimil was 3-4 months back, when we were travelling in the city, in a mobike, and my wife was also with me along with my daughter, Zohra (Khushi). ‘Papa tell me, can a childbirth take place without a marriage?’ My reply .. Yes, if the boy and girl stay together alone for duration of time.. The girl can get pregnant, and that’s the reason many girls are not permitted to meet boys freely, and are forced to get married soon.. Child birth is preferred after a marriage ..

Well, that’s the point I suppose I went to. But in the  present age .. maybe some additional lines can be added after 3-4 years,.. that marriage as a concept is also changing.. and many couples are willing to live together, and bear child even without a marriage (!!).

Wanted to write more, but let’s post this first (I started it on 30th and today is 2nd)!

My Experience on Facebook so Far

September 17, 2011 Leave a comment

Was intending to write for a long time,but was not able to open this site. Supposedly Facebook, YouTube and Piratebay is taking a lot of my time on the computer and I am always engaged reading ‘social networking friends’ on it. Many of my ‘serious’ kinda friends keep away from Facebooking or when those into it, are able to break away for sometime, then they feel that they have done a ‘great’ job to have taken a vacation. Even, I think that at times I am too much ‘virtual than real’ .. but I find a similarity with the kind of ..ideology to practice based, humane efforts that I am engaged in.

The sharing of ideas, in the form of ‘what’s on your mind’ status and responding to someone’s posting /commenting is something that if taken seriously can help a lot in networking / sharing of personal opinions .. and matter of fact is that I have taken it seriously. It has helped me connect with a range of people from different age groups and cultures and acquaintance.

I remember that once one of my Facebook friend chatted to understand my sexual choice I my information said about interest in both boys and girls. He is a gay who had sent his invite and I had accepted it, and now he was trying to understand how and why I was interested in boys… Well ..I told him about my work on gender and sexuality.. (There might be more chatting / discussions which I have the liberty to reveal or conceal !).

On another instant I virtually was on a war.. towards breaking an existing ‘real’ friendship. A real friend gave a film analysis and I commented on it. Then he responded, then I.. then he, then I.. and finally the dangerous words started coming – You know you have such an analysis because you .. are an outsider, culturally confused, do not have the courage or the will to take positions.. somewhat like the middle class, etc etc..Well, I told him.. I do not have the patience and the energy to carry on the discussion any further.. and best would be to sit across table on a cup of tea further discuss.  And, tell you,  haven’t sat on it for 2-3 months .. cause I wanted the ‘time’ to heal the mis-understandings.  Further I believe, difference of opinions (attitudes/ behaviour) is what makes us all unique, in this world. And there need not be ‘common understanding’ on all themes, at all times !!

Recently, I have started a Group on Facebook – Men, Masculinity and Feminism.. a space with 150 members, male and female.. sharing mostly public thoughts on sexuality.. but some very personal experience sharing is also there. Wanna check the group, and its approx 15 postings ? And …Facebooking has helped me to share some romantic moods.. from songs, to how we vision the world.. with some of my friends. Are you one of them ???

My Family Grows

November 14, 2010 Leave a comment

Frankly speaking, I am not a believer of that traditional concept of family where the male has to earn for the female and children, where the relationships need to be eternal and longlasting.. basically relationships is about walking together of personalities and getting tuned to each other’s likes/ dislikes.. and like any relationship marriage should also be permitted to have its ups and downs .. am I getting towards indicating something about my personal life .. should I do this publicly ?

And all types of relationships has its ups and down .. whether live in or contractual as in a marriage .. its minus and plus points. And somehow its the female who has to face the brunt .. as she has to carry the baby, doesn’t have property rights and have a house / job of her own , etc. And what happens when you get tired of trying out different relations and want to have ..peace and ‘not in-move attitude’ after an age in life?

So in the recent days when I have enjoyed family life for over some years (got married in 1998, first child in 2001 who died within 72 hrs, and then son Rimil born in 2004, and now Zohra).. we have another family member .. a parrot we have named ‘Queen Elizabeth’.

Bought her for Rs 180 and then a cage worth Rs 120.. yesterday we bought rice grains (Rs13 per kg), guava (Rs 16 per kg) for her .. we all also serving her ‘chana’. Rimil and Zohra are excited ..feeding her her water ..let’s hope that she learns to speak fast. Hoping her presence will make the family life more preetier !

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